Autistic Conversations
I wanted to come up with something clever to call this post...but I just couldn't. Conversations is our house really speak for themselves.
This morning, I was watching the news and, since April is Autism Awareness Month, and I guess everyone's gearing up for it, they were having competing autism stories on all the stations. I was interested in one and was trying to listen, when young FrogBoy joined me in the living room. After reading the caption at the bottom of the TV screen, he promptly asked, "Mommy, what's autism?"
Oh boy. I guess I knew the day would come, I just wasn't prepared. Especially at 8 a.m. I tossed up a quick prayer and started with, "Autism is a neurological disorder..."
Before I could finish my sentence, my precious child said, "Oh, okay."
Clearly he doesn't have an understanding of the term "neurological," nor does he care. He probably recognized the tone in my voice and thought, "Crud, we're going to be here awhile if I don't cut her off fast." Whatever the reason, I was spared the explanation for another day.
A few days ago, though, I had the best conversation with the FrogMan that I can remember.
FrogBoy: "Look, Mommy, this guy lost his arm."
Me: "Oh my. He doesn't have a face either. Have you been chewing on him?"
(This is something he does frequently. It's called - brilliantly - mouthing. In my day, that meant something else entirely - and you got popped if you did it. But I digress.)
FrogBoy: "Yeah. I get hungry."
(I love this kid.)
Me: "Let's not eat him. He's plastic. That's not good."
FrogBoy: "But he tastes good."
Me: "No. You need to not eat plastic. Its bad for you. Throw him away."
FrogBoy: "Can I flush him?"
Me: "No. Put him in the trash."
FrogBoy: "Aw man."
It is this type of wonderful conversation that makes my life so enjoyable. It's the ones we DON'T have that concern me.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Seriously???
Contrary to popular belief, everything that happens in the Fitzgerald household is not abnormal and totally bizarre. It just feels like it sometimes.
At the end of February, I surprised SuperHubby with a long weekend in Asheville to celebrate his 40th birthday. Go me. The night before we left, after he loaded the washer with all his clothes that he planned to pack, our dryer died. We got it the first Christmas we were married, so it was almost 16 years old...and yet it picked this most inopportune time to die. We've been struggling with drying clothes at random places ever since.
So Friday SH went to Lowe's and bought a new dryer. I had seen a commercial where they would deliver the new one and haul off the old one...FREE. Since "free" is my love language, we decided to go that route. Upon arrival in dryer department at Lowe's, SH discovered that "free" means "if you purchase a dryer that costs more than $397." Seriously? Not $400?? Nope, $397. He bought the $398 model and scheduled the next-day delivery for Monday (keep up - we had to work Saturday and Sunday).
Meanwhile, I had a buttload of errands to run on Saturday, including picking up my dad to bring to church with us. This was an amazing thing that I certainly wasn't going to let pass by. The van had been having the hiccups for about a week but I knew she'd get me to West Ashley (for my dad) and then later the same day to Ravenel (to drop the boys at my aunt's, where they were spending the night so they could be with the family for Easter). While I was running errands, she decided NOT SO MUCH. Seriously?? This is the time we're going to die? I don't think so. I promptly rented a car.
I called Buget Car Rental. When the lovely-accnted woman answered the phone, I asked her where she was located. Her reply? "Right now? The West Coast." SERIOUSLY???? I had to explain to her that what I REALLY needed to know was where to pick up the car I was renting. WOW. I thought stupid stuff like that happened only in forwarded emails.
We all squeezed into SH's car and made a mad dash for the airport before SH had to leave for work. They upgraded me to an SUV, which was super cool. It had to be returned today. At the same time the dryer was being delivered. And I couldn't find anyone to drop me and the car off. So on the one day when we don't have kids, we're exhausted, and we could - in theory - sleep late, we were on the road at 8:15 to take the car back.
Meanwhile, the Lowe's guys were 2 hours late (who didn't see that coming?). I didn't care. I've never been so excited about doing laundry in all my life. Of course, every time we turn the dryer on, it throws the breaker in our laundry room. The only thing worse than not having a dryer is having a dryer that sits there and taunts you.
My weekend wrap-up? I don't have a car, my dryer doesn't work, my children are on spring break, one of them acts like he's getting a cold, and my medical insurance still owes me $700+ in reimbursements (sorry - that one's never going to NOT be a topic on my blog!). The good news? My dad went to church with me, we had 34 services at Seacoast - over 14000 people! - and even though I worked all day Sunday, I can't imagine anywhere I would have rather been.
Contrary to popular belief, everything that happens in the Fitzgerald household is not abnormal and totally bizarre. It just feels like it sometimes.
At the end of February, I surprised SuperHubby with a long weekend in Asheville to celebrate his 40th birthday. Go me. The night before we left, after he loaded the washer with all his clothes that he planned to pack, our dryer died. We got it the first Christmas we were married, so it was almost 16 years old...and yet it picked this most inopportune time to die. We've been struggling with drying clothes at random places ever since.
So Friday SH went to Lowe's and bought a new dryer. I had seen a commercial where they would deliver the new one and haul off the old one...FREE. Since "free" is my love language, we decided to go that route. Upon arrival in dryer department at Lowe's, SH discovered that "free" means "if you purchase a dryer that costs more than $397." Seriously? Not $400?? Nope, $397. He bought the $398 model and scheduled the next-day delivery for Monday (keep up - we had to work Saturday and Sunday).
Meanwhile, I had a buttload of errands to run on Saturday, including picking up my dad to bring to church with us. This was an amazing thing that I certainly wasn't going to let pass by. The van had been having the hiccups for about a week but I knew she'd get me to West Ashley (for my dad) and then later the same day to Ravenel (to drop the boys at my aunt's, where they were spending the night so they could be with the family for Easter). While I was running errands, she decided NOT SO MUCH. Seriously?? This is the time we're going to die? I don't think so. I promptly rented a car.
I called Buget Car Rental. When the lovely-accnted woman answered the phone, I asked her where she was located. Her reply? "Right now? The West Coast." SERIOUSLY???? I had to explain to her that what I REALLY needed to know was where to pick up the car I was renting. WOW. I thought stupid stuff like that happened only in forwarded emails.
We all squeezed into SH's car and made a mad dash for the airport before SH had to leave for work. They upgraded me to an SUV, which was super cool. It had to be returned today. At the same time the dryer was being delivered. And I couldn't find anyone to drop me and the car off. So on the one day when we don't have kids, we're exhausted, and we could - in theory - sleep late, we were on the road at 8:15 to take the car back.
Meanwhile, the Lowe's guys were 2 hours late (who didn't see that coming?). I didn't care. I've never been so excited about doing laundry in all my life. Of course, every time we turn the dryer on, it throws the breaker in our laundry room. The only thing worse than not having a dryer is having a dryer that sits there and taunts you.
My weekend wrap-up? I don't have a car, my dryer doesn't work, my children are on spring break, one of them acts like he's getting a cold, and my medical insurance still owes me $700+ in reimbursements (sorry - that one's never going to NOT be a topic on my blog!). The good news? My dad went to church with me, we had 34 services at Seacoast - over 14000 people! - and even though I worked all day Sunday, I can't imagine anywhere I would have rather been.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Not the Sharpest Hook in the Tackle Box
Three weeks ago today, I lost my mind. I felt compelled to get FrogBoy a fish. I wanted him to learn a little responsibility, and thought a pet would be fun. We are a dog family, but since the pet fee at our apartment is $350, and SuperHubby is a dog snob and will only have purebred dogs, and I refuse to spend (as if I could) $1000 on a dog...well, a fish seemed the way to go.
Not wanting to leave anyone out, I offered to get Spanky a fish as well. Seemed like a good idea at the time. We made a quick visit to our local Petsmart and walked away with 2 fish, 2 fishbowls, and a variety of items to care for our new housemates. All told I spent less than $50, which I felt was a pretty good investment. Even if they died, the fish were only $2.99 each.
One thing I didn't factor in was that we were leaving that weekend - for the whole weekend. That meant I had to have a fish-sitter. How embarrassing is that? So I asked the Smurf to come over and feed the fish. I told her it wasn't a big deal...they are only supposed to get 2 pellets a day...so if she just came once she could pop in 2 pellets and that would take care of the whole weekend (we fed them before we left).
Imagine my surprise when we got home and both fishbowls were covered with pellets. Apparently she thought I said "2 pinches of pellets." But we got over that hurdle.
One of the reasons I chose this particular brand of fish - betta fish - is that they are hard to kill and cheap to replace. However, they fight each other - their other name is Japanese Fighting Fish - which explains the "2 of everything" thing.
Meanwhile, the boys had to name their fish. Spanky chose the ever popular "The Punisher" for his. FrogBoy went with "Lego." Who didn't see that coming?
Things were going really well until Saturday before church. As is my usual daily comment, I walked over to The Punisher's bowl and said, "Spanky, your fish is dead." Only this time I wasn't kidding.
Poor Spanky. He comes over to the bowl and says, "No Mommy, you just have to tap it and he'll move." He didn't.
And at that point I realized something. The stupid fish had drowned. Yes, only in our house could a fish drown. But he did. His little fish head was stuck in the rocks on the bottom of the bowl. I'm pretty sure he was trying for a piece of food that got lodged down there. But he's definitely dead.
We flushed him. Spanky scooped him out and tossed him in the toilet like a pro. Then he declared that he was done with pets because they all die, and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
One down, one to go.
Three weeks ago today, I lost my mind. I felt compelled to get FrogBoy a fish. I wanted him to learn a little responsibility, and thought a pet would be fun. We are a dog family, but since the pet fee at our apartment is $350, and SuperHubby is a dog snob and will only have purebred dogs, and I refuse to spend (as if I could) $1000 on a dog...well, a fish seemed the way to go.
Not wanting to leave anyone out, I offered to get Spanky a fish as well. Seemed like a good idea at the time. We made a quick visit to our local Petsmart and walked away with 2 fish, 2 fishbowls, and a variety of items to care for our new housemates. All told I spent less than $50, which I felt was a pretty good investment. Even if they died, the fish were only $2.99 each.
One thing I didn't factor in was that we were leaving that weekend - for the whole weekend. That meant I had to have a fish-sitter. How embarrassing is that? So I asked the Smurf to come over and feed the fish. I told her it wasn't a big deal...they are only supposed to get 2 pellets a day...so if she just came once she could pop in 2 pellets and that would take care of the whole weekend (we fed them before we left).
Imagine my surprise when we got home and both fishbowls were covered with pellets. Apparently she thought I said "2 pinches of pellets." But we got over that hurdle.
One of the reasons I chose this particular brand of fish - betta fish - is that they are hard to kill and cheap to replace. However, they fight each other - their other name is Japanese Fighting Fish - which explains the "2 of everything" thing.
Meanwhile, the boys had to name their fish. Spanky chose the ever popular "The Punisher" for his. FrogBoy went with "Lego." Who didn't see that coming?
Things were going really well until Saturday before church. As is my usual daily comment, I walked over to The Punisher's bowl and said, "Spanky, your fish is dead." Only this time I wasn't kidding.
Poor Spanky. He comes over to the bowl and says, "No Mommy, you just have to tap it and he'll move." He didn't.
And at that point I realized something. The stupid fish had drowned. Yes, only in our house could a fish drown. But he did. His little fish head was stuck in the rocks on the bottom of the bowl. I'm pretty sure he was trying for a piece of food that got lodged down there. But he's definitely dead.
We flushed him. Spanky scooped him out and tossed him in the toilet like a pro. Then he declared that he was done with pets because they all die, and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
One down, one to go.
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