How to Know If You Have an Ugly Baby

Helpful Hint: If you're offended by the title of this blog, stop reading now. Your baby is ugly - and you already know it.

Now I know what the 4 people still reading are thinking: All babies are cute. This is simply not true. This is a lie perpetuated by the parents of ugly babies.

I started thinking about this a while back, when I saw Shawn's baby at church. She is by far the prettiest baby I have seen (other than my own baby pictures, but that really goes without saying). But looking at her, I realized something: a lot of parents are under the mistaken sense that their baby is adorable. And there are some funky looking little kiddos out there.

Let me help just a bit. You know your baby is ugly when people often make the following comments:

• "He looks just like you!" (this is simply a way of not commenting on the child's looks)
• "He's so cute!" (sounds innocent enough, but your baby is a girl)
• "Wow, she sure has a lot of hair!"
• "Would you look at him?!"
• "How about that!"
• "Is she always this good?" (variation: "Is she a good sleeper?" - they don't care, they just don't want to be put on the spot about the kid's looks)
• "Aw, what a sweetheart." (another tricky one - but trust me)

Then there are the people who won't talk directly to the parents, but carry on an entire conversation with a 10-day old baby. This is a huge indication that they can't even make eye contact with you because you have created something so grotesque they don't quite know what to say.

One of my babies was ugly. The pediatrician's office referred to him as "The Ethiopian Baby." In front of me. It happens. Sometimes the beautiful people have ugly babies. The encouraging news is that they generally outgrow the funk and turn out pretty cute.