Potty Ponderings

I have a little issue with public restrooms. I don't use them. And by public, I mean any restroom not located in my house. Okay, did I say little issue?

Anyway, I guess because I'm getting older and it's a million degrees outside so I'm drinking more tea lately, but I've had the unfortunate experience of having to visit a few local unclean restrooms lately. All public restrooms are unclean, even if they are immaculate. Really, you must join me inside my brain sometime.

This has brought up some questions for me. For example, who is the marketing genius who came up with putting advertisements on the inside of the toilet door? Everything's okay, I've talked myself into going into a completely germ-laden bathroom, there's no one else in there so they won't hear me going, and BAM! I turn around, sit down, do the hokey pokey, and there's a wall full of strange people looking at me. Granted, it's just their pictures...but really, do I need to see the people who want to sell me a house...or want to do my laundry...or want me to come to their movie theater? On a good day, no. When I'm peeing, definitely not.

Another issue I have is the location of the door. Is there a certain masochistic reason it's always located across the room, usually with a broken lock, where you can't make sure it doesn't fly open unless you have 8 foot arms? This is just cruel. My parents did a lot of stuff wrong when I was a child; actually, they're still on a pretty good collective roll. But when they built our house, the potty my brother and I shared was located directly behind the bathroom door. Oh, sure, we had bruised knees for 12 years, but I wasn't scarred for life by having my dad walk in on me while I was mid-stream.

Public restrooms are disgusting, for the mere fact that they're public, which means I can't control who uses them. I don't like sharing germs with people I like; why on earth would I want to share with people I don't even know. Is it so wrong I have my own personal catheter hooked up to a bag in my purse?