That's Not a Compliment

My very first boyfriend was 17. I was 14 at the time. My parents were not the sharpest crayons in the box.

One evening, as we were listening to each other breathe on the phone, which is really all you do when you're 14 and you have a boyfriend, Dingleberry pops out with a lovely little word to describe me: Supercilious. Just popped right out with it.

Being a sharp cookie, and having no idea what he was talking about, I grabbed my trusty Webster's and looked it up. Come to find out, "supercilious" means "arrogant, haughty, snooty." How sweet.

I did what any self-respecting female would do. I called him on it. And I was TICKED. Then, being a not-so-smart 17-year-old boy, Dingleberry said, "Oops, I thought it meant hairy." Oh, I feel much better now.

I'm not saying I'm not an overly hairy person. Maybe I am. Okay, I am. However, this is not the thing to say to someone you're supposed to like - a lot. Apparently I'm a very hairy snob. Anyway, we had a huge fight. I'd like to say I ended it right then and there, but we dated (read: telephoned and wrote a lot of notes) for a couple of years. Ugh.

What are some other things people say, disguised as niceties, that really aren't?

"For a fat girl, you don't sweat much." - I actually had a boss say that to me once. Of course, I was about 100 pounds soaking wet, but give me a break. That's never funny.

"Wow, you're quite the Amazon woman." - How pleasant. Again, been on the receiving end of this one. Just because you're taller than someone, and just because he's a jerk, doesn't mean he can spout off like that.

"You are just like your mother/father." - My favorite aunt says this to me sometimes. And it's not in a nice way. She's lucky I like her.

What's the old saying, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? Here's some suggestions when you want to say something nice to me:

"Awesome hair." (I know)
"Cute purse."
"Have you lost weight?"
"Man, I should've married you." (only works if you're a guy - otherwise I'm still offended)
"Has anyone told you today how fabulous you are?" (the answer is probably yes, but try)

But be sincere. No one likes a suck-up.