The Queen's New Ride

Due to my lack of automotive knowledge, and the subsequent near-death experience of the suppository resulting from my neglect, I have had much time this week to ponder my life without the Giant Golden Suppository as my primary mode of transportation. While such a thought makes me quite sad (not), I have given it much thought and have narrowed down my list of dream replacements for the GGS:

• The Oscar Mayer Weinermobile: I actually saw the Weinermobile on I-26 earlier this week. What an amazing vehicle. Driving the Weinermobile would greatly cut down on that pesky issue of locating my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
• A tow truck: I could park anywhere I wanted. Not like anyone would tow me.
• An EMS/Rescue truck: They don't really do anything special. They just show up at accidents so there'll be more emergency vehicles blocking the road and things will look worse than they are. Which means less responsibility, but I still get to drive through red lights and sound the siren.
• The Batmobile: No explanation necessary.
• An ice cream truck: Not because I like kids. But because the thought of people chasing me through the streets feeds my ego just enough to make it worthwhile.
• A hearse: People in Charleston are so polite, as SuperHubby is prone to pointing out, that they pull over to the side of the road every time a funeral procession drives by. Which means I would NEVER have to fight with traffic again.

Of course, my ultimate desire is to skip all the automotive nastiness and just pull an "I Dream of Jeannie" whenever I'd like to go somewhere. Cuts out the hassle of driving. Until that happens, I'll be driving around in the GGS with a case of latex gloves in the back. (I'm not kidding - it just gets more and more embarrassing, doesn't it?)