Meet the Parents

My parents are both having surgery in the next couple of weeks. They're high maintenance types. I'm trying to convince them to have their procedures at the same time.

My parents aren't exactly best friends. They have been divorced for 15 years. They haven't had a kind word for each other in 20. But they have 2 incredibly amazing children together (okay, one, but The Professor would get his feelings hurt if I didn't pretend he was wonderful, too).

My dad has to have all his teeth pulled. All his real teeth, that is. He already had half of them pulled last year. My mother has to have a pain management pump removed from her gut. Have I mentioned how FUN my family is?

Here's my thought: they're already both scheduled at the same hospital. If they go on the same day, they can ride together. Dad won't be able to talk, so he can't irritate Mom, and she's going to be given some lovely medicine which makes you forget everything (vodka, anyone?) so she won't remember being around him anyway. This could be the first time they were cordial to each other in over 20 years!

Dad could stay with my mother and her hubby at their condo (they have an extra room). This would make things a lot easier on me and my brother...only one place to visit the sickies. It's not like they haven't lived in the same house before, even after they were separated. (Yes, they are really THAT abnormal).

They could come out of the whole experience much more thankful for the state of SC and it's wonderful divorce provisions. Judges would be getting fruit baskets. It would be a beautiful thing.

Neither of them is inclined to help me out here. Apparently it's fine and dandy for them to make my life a living you-know-what with all their divorce nonsense, but let me ask one small favor, and I get zippo from them.

We're stopping by Olan Mills on the way home from the hospital. Webster's needs a new photo of my family to put next to the definition of "dysfunctional."