The Adventures of FrogBoy

Last Thursday, I took the boys to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. No biggie. It was a quick little trip that should have been completely uneventful. I did mention that I took the boys, though, right?

We got everything we needed and Spanky decided he needed to look at some things in the boys department. As usual, FrogBoy parked himself underneath a display rack and read a book. This is not unusual for him, as he likes being in tight enclosed places, especially if we'll be shopping for a few minutes.

Now before anyone thinks I'm a horrible mother, I kept my eye on the child. Constantly. I would look, he would be there, we'd move, he'd move with us. Everything was perfect in Fitzgerald Land. Until I turned around and FrogBoy was gone.

I'm not talking gone as in I couldn't find him for 30 seconds and then I realized he was in the next aisle. I'm talking GONE. Spanky and I started calling him. I knew this was a futile effort, as FrogBoy enjoys hiding almost as much as he enjoys breathing, but we did it. You never know what you'll do when you're in a slight panic.

My nerves were frazzled. It quickly became obvious that my child was missing. MISSING. In Wal-Mart. This was so not good.

I left Spanky (remember the part about not thinking clearly in a crisis?) and ran up to the front of the store, my eyes on the bathrooms and front doors the entire time. I've seen enough cop shows to know where the freaky people take their kidnap victims. I grabbed an associate and told her I'd lost my little boy. She was relatively calm and suggested we could page him. As I blurted out, "He's autistic; he may not respond to a verbal command," her eyes grew wide and she was on the loudspeaker calling a Code Adam before I finished the word "autistic." The doors were all locked and associates fanned out all through the store in search of FrogBoy. I love Wal-Mart.

I ran back to the boys department. Spanky was still there, still searching, still no sign of my baby. A wonderful lady in a fur coat stopped me to see if it was my child we were looking for; she offered to help. People stopped shopping and started looking. About 1 minute after I got back to Spanky, an announcement was made to cancel the Code Adam and for me to meet an associate in electronics.

Once in electronics, I came face-to-face with FrogBoy. There he stood, cute as could be. Our reunion went something like this:
FrogBoy: "I was looking for you."
Me: "I was looking for you, too."
FrogBoy: "I found a Lego."

Fantastic. I nearly had heart failure. The good news was he didn't realize how bad it could have been. The bad news was he didn't realize how bad it could have been. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or just collapse.

Come to find out, FrogBoy had gotten turned around when he was trying to follow me and he couldn't figure out where he was. He wandered until he made it to the toy department (in case anyone doesn't know, that's the TOTAL opposite side of the store from where we were). He admitted later that he was scared, but he also wanted me to know that he'd found a bunch of new Legos that he'd like for his birthday (in June).

It was a rough night. We count ourselves as blessed. And Wal-Mart is my new most favorite place in the world (frankly, it was pretty close already).

I Wish...

1. ...SuperHubby could sing like Neil Diamond. Ooh-la-la.
2. ...everyone could experience one good hair day in their life.
3. ...burping would make you skinny.
4. ...the suppository would magically turn into a Jeep Cherokee or Land Rover overnight.
5. ...kids would stay kids longer.
6. ...people would understand that a marriage is between a man and a woman. Just because you have a big party with all your friends doesn't mean you've had a wedding.
7. ...healthy food tasted better and bad food tasted worse. For that matter, just make the yummy stuff good for you.
8. ...I could have met Lady Diana. I was pretty much convinced this was going to happen, right until the day she died. She would've loved me.
9. ...all supermodels would wake up one day with big butts, saggy boobs, greasy hair and oily skin. For starters.
10. ...I could get the chance to prove to everyone that becoming tremendously wealthy wouldn't change me one little bit.

Top 10 Dream Jobs

1. Ice cream taster
2. Daytimer designer.
3. Dog petter. Actually, I already have this job. It's pretty relaxing. You just can't ever stop.
4. Anything having to do with crayons.
5. "Before" model. Let someone else be "after."
6. Rodeo entertainer. We took Spanky & FrogBoy to the rodeo this weekend. The rodeo entertainer (I guess they don't call them clowns anymore) was having more fun than the rest of the room combined.
7. Personal shopper. The only thing better than shopping with someone else's money is having them pay you to do it.
8. Professional napper.
9. Quality Control Expert at The Cheesecake Factory.
10. I Love the 80s panelist.

Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday my baby turned 11. Eleven. It's hard to imagine it was 11 years ago, when every second of that day is forever etched in my brain. Well, not every second...

Spanky decided he would join us 5 weeks before he was set to arrive. No problem. Being the highly organized and terrified first-time mom that I was, I was packed and ready to go. Good thing. I had lists (of course) for SuperHubby, as I didn't want him screwing anything up if I was unable to guide him through the family notification process, naming the baby, etc. Another good thought for Lori.

I was at my desk at work, having a little snack (which I never got to eat, by the way), decided to call SH, when all you-know-what broke loose. Just like that, grand mal seizure, water broke, straight into labor. Fun. Luckily, I was on the phone with SH and he was there in record time. We're still not sure how many traffic violations he had that day, but he didn't get caught, so we don't care.

Since the Spankster and I both stopped breathing during my 2nd seizure of the day (we never do anything small), they did an emergency C-section. My understanding is that it was much like an episode of ER. The families were called in. Apparently, things didn't look good.

Obviously, since I'm writing this, things turned out fine. After a week of waffling back and forth between is-he-or-isn't-he-going-to-NICU, me being la la for several days, and a lot of frantic prayers from a family that wasn't quite so prayerful before that day, things were good enough for us to go home. Life with a new baby had begun. And what an adventure it's been!

Now I don't usually sit around thinking about that day. It tends to make me very weepy, particularly because I don't remember the majority of it, and I feel like I should remember at least some of the details of my child's birth. SuperHubby is kind enough to repeat the story for me whenever I ask, just so I can feel like I was there. Every so often, as I stare at my scars, I briefly think about that day. But on January 11th, I get very reflective.

All babies are miracles. I was just as thrilled 4 years later when FrogBoy was born. But on January 11th, every year, I am amazed by the miracle that is Spanky. We are truly blessed.

I Stand Corrected

Evidently, I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. I discovered this fact this morning when I was talking to Pastor Geoff about my viewing of the new version of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. I took someone slightly older and much wiser to clue me in: apparently the "new" version is actually based on the book, while the "old" version really wasn't that close. So the thing I griped about was actually the original set to film, and the one I love has not much to do with what the author had in mind when he put pen to paper.

WORD OF THE DAY: OOPS.

I still don't like the newer movie. I don't like the tone. I don't like the plot. And I'm very disappointed in the Oompa Loompas. However, I tip my hat to the original, because it begat the better version. And I was reminded tonight by Spanky of that great repeating line from Johnny Depp..."You must stop mumbling, I can't understand you." I think I will start using that one quite a bit.

So my apologies to anyone who enjoyed the movie. I will continue to hang out with Zit Boy at Blockbuster...he, at least, agrees with me.

There Ought to Be a Law

SuperHubby, being of sound mind and um-um-um body, presented me with a TV for our bedroom for Christmas. It was the only choice I gave him, I talked about it nonstop, I had several people talk to him about it...what can I say? He can take a hint.

So the other night, I'm enjoying my new TV, which doesn't work very well right now because we don't have cable hookup in our room, so all I can do is watch DVDs. Not a bad idea, but it was late and I didn't want to go out. I decided to borrow a movie from Spanky.

Spankster ran through my choices. I narrowed it down to The Incredibles and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. I've already seen The Incredibles, but not the new Charlie, and I do love Willy Wonka, so I opted for that one.

It started out slow. It never got better. This was, by far, the absolute worst movie I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. Johnny Depp was Willy Wonka, and frankly, he didn't do justice to Gene Wilder's creation. He reminded me of someone on a serious acid trip, not an eccentric candymaker. The children had the same names and met with basically the same fates, but that was about as close as the movie followed the original.

My biggest problem with this movie? The Oompa Loompas. The original OLs were quite adorable, strange little men who wore strange little outfits and made fun of the bad little children. These are people I can associate with. The new OLs were not really little people; they were very obviously normal people who had been digitally shrunken -- and they didn't even try to disguise this misdeed. On top of that, they wore scary little leatherette outfits. They were ugly. And the didn't even sing the Oompa Loompa song.

WORD OF THE DAY: DISAPPOINTED.

The movie bites. Why did Tim Burton mess around with cinematic perfection? The original was gold; this version is just plain poop. I've resolved (another resolution - woohoo!) to never again watch a remake of a movie I truly love...based on past experience, it can only bring me down.

The best part of my evening? The boys climbed up in bed and watched the dumb thing with me. We had a great time, even if the entertainment was less than enjoyable. And I managed to come up with a word for today - bonus!

Hallmark Moment

So I'm watching TV with SuperHubby the other night and a Hallmark commercial comes on. Sweet little commercial. Young woman, talking about how her dad died when she was 25 days old, and how she and her mom sent a Hallmark card up to heaven on a balloon.

WHAT???!!!!

Is there some reason the people at Hallmark feel compelled to make people cry? I can't get through a single ad for them without bawling like a baby. Are the people in their marketing department just plain evil?

At the end of the commercial, they had a website so you can share your very own Hallmark moment. I guess it's hard to come up with the tearjerkers sometimes and they need a little help. They could just make things up. That's what they do on the Hallmark channel.

Yep, that's right, they have their very own TV channel on which to spread their certain type of depression. Nice. A 2-hour Hallmark commerical -- now that's entertainment.

SuperHubby laughs at me. I get all teary and then start yelling at the TV - how this is the most stupid thing I've ever seen, what are they thinking, etc. I'm an emotional chick, believe it or not. And these ads really get me.

Personally, I prefer a good murder any day. Give me some blood and guts and cut out the Steel Magnolias crap. Now that would be an awesome commercial.

2006 Resolutions

I am completely opposed to New Year's resolutions. The only reason people make resolutions is because they are too wimpy to commit to change all year long, but the one night they are totally and completely drunk, they feel like THAT'S when they can make some decisions and stick with them. This year, I feel compelled to offer up some resolutions of my own (and no, I'm not liquored up or anything).

1. I will wear clothes every single day.
2. I will eat at least one meal each day.
3. I will buy at least one purse this year. (I have to - The Smurf gave me a gift certificate for Christmas. Otherwise...)
4. I will only use one daytimer this year. Now - we all know this is serious. I have asked my sis-in-law to be my accountability partner on this one. I'm actually on my second daytimer of the year (both purchased last year, incidentally). The one I have now is the best planner ever. Really. If I make it all year with this one planner, I get to reward myself with the BEST best planner (same company, more expensive model).
5. I will have a word of the day every day. If I'm in a good mood, I may share it with other people. TODAY'S WORD: FEISTY.
6. I will not cook more meals than SuperHubby. No sense making him feel bad about himself.

So far I'm doing pretty good.

Lessons from '05

Looking back on 2005 and all that it entailed, I realized I've learned quite a bit this past year. That in itself is an amazing thing, but I have decided to share my infinite wisdom, in the hopes you won't have to learn things the hard way.

1. If you start the year with one of your parents in ICU - dying - for the first 3 months of the year, chances are things won't get much worse for the rest of the year. (He didn't, by the way)
2. If you don't like to fly, don't plan your entire vacation in a locale you can't reach by car. Think, people.
3. Even though I live in the same city as my brother, I talk to him almost every day, but only by email; however, when he leaves for a month and I can't talk to/see him when I choose, I want him to come home and never leave. Once he's home, all bets are off.
4. Tattoos hurt. A lot.
5. There are worse things than driving a suppository. I'm sure of this, although I don't have any proof just yet.
6. There comes a time when your children are old enough to put together their own Christmas toys. What a fantastic year.
7. A year without an overnight (or 18) at MUSC is a wonderful thing. Two years running is a glorious blessing.
8. Families with more than 2 adult children are just asking for trouble.

Last year was a long, hard year for our family. This time it was the extended family with the troubles; they stayed pretty clear of our little household. Even so, we were all extremely blessed and continue to be. The best things in life are family and friends.