Drive Me Crazy

I can't stand driving. I really only drive because I have to get places. I wouldn't do it at all, ever, if I could just my I-Dream-of-Jeannie transportation system down.

I didn't start driving until I was 19. I realize most men that read this will find this a horrible affront to human nature. I just didn't care. I always had a friend, boyfriend, or - last resort - my brother to drive me where I needed to go. I got my first car before I got my drivers license. And I've never learned to parallel park.

Most of the time, I hop into the suppository and toodle off to work or school, rarely venturing far from home. Oh, I run errands, but I plan them carefully, maximizing the time spent in the car so I only have to make one trip. I'd be okay with driving if other people weren't on the road. Some things that are really annoying me lately:

People who don't wave when I let them into traffic. They do realize I don't have to let them in, right? It's only polite to wave. When people act like they deserve to be let in, I want to ram their car with the suppository. But then, we don't want to hurt her.

People who drive with their hazard lights flashing. This is particularly annoying. Unless your car is about to blow up, I find no excuse for this. Most people do it because (1) it's raining, (2) it's dark or (3) they're just plain stupid.

People who drive with their blinker on for miles and miles. Slightly less irritating than the hazards going, which is a conscious choice, is the folks who drive on and on with their blinkers still flashing after they've made their move into another lane. If your attention span is so short that you can't remember to turn off your blinker, maybe you shouldn't be driving.

Tailgaters ... with attitude. I don't speed. I think tickets and increased insurance premiums are a collossal waste of money. Therefore, I am well acquainted with the tailgaters in our area. I'm okay with the ones who ride my bumper; I just smile and think to myself "I'm saving you a ticket, my friend, you should thank me." What I don't appreciate is the yahoos that find the first available opportunity to pass me and make gestures - obscene or otherwise. My favorite? The hands raised in a questioning way, face contorted like it just smelled old cheese. Sweet.

Hummers. I don't think I should have to explain this, but I will. This is quite possibly the tackiest, most ridiculous vehicle on our roads today.

I'm not a driving snob, don't get me wrong. I'd just like everyone to get out of my way, let me get wherever I'm going, then resume your normal activities.